welcome to the graveyard of lighthearted living

On days like this, articulating the mess that is my mind feels like pulling teeth. I have so much to say, I could write a 1000 page book. And I'm in such a mindfuck that it feels impossible to type more than a couple sentences. Never mind the fact that I keep deleting and rewriting every other word.

7 years ago, life was dandy. I was dandier. And then my brain produced a big dark cloud that has since made itself at home. We are roomies now. So far, it has been the most consistent and honest friend I've ever had. One could say it is an unhealthy bond, since all it does is make me cry and rage and isolate myself from people I love. Let's call it an abusive cloud.

What happened to me?

Nothing, really. I go to therapy now but the cloud says, "You don't need it. All you need are some friends". Secretly, I agree. But I'm stuck, you see? I'm home and yet this is not my home. I want to go far away and yet I made commitments to stay. For another 5 months. Which honestly, if you have a dark cloud as a houseguest, feels like eternity. The world feels like an opportunity, I could go somewhere sunny but my mind feels dark and I cannot leave it behind. Have I become one with the dark cloud?